Happily Ever After?

In its October 27 edition, Newsweek reported that teen beauty queens in east Texas are using their influence on the young girls of the region to encourage abstinence. I don't mean eating fish on Friday, this is abstinence of the biblical kind -- from sex before marriage.

To make their point the beauties apparently bought a billboard, which features them in sparkling tiaras and evening gowns declaring, "We Are Waiting for Our Prince Charming."

My nieces are three and two years old and have a serious obsession with Disney-adapted princess stories. My sister -- their mother -- blames it on me, which I accept without argument. I believe in happily ever after.

But I don't necessarily believe in charming princes. So I wonder, in a decade or two, could the beauty queens' message convince my little nieces to abstain? Today they believe. They wear tiaras. They prance around the living room, as they watch Cinderella, waving the generous sleeves of their pajamas like satin cloaks. They watch in earnest as each princess meets her foil, scurrying to my lap in fear. They clasp their chubby arms around their waists as the prince meets the gaze of each princess, smiling gleefully.

But when their hormones are raging and peer pressure is slipping in, could the beauty queens' message convince them to stand on principle? Or will that peer pressure and their own insecurities win the sexual war? Or – worse yet – will the teenage boy seduce them into thinking he IS Prince Charming?

The Texas attempt to use little girls' princess fantasies to encourage responsible sexuality is admirable. But it may be misguided. Instead of promising Prince Charming...maybe we should promise happily ever after. Think about it. Happily. Ever. After. Not all that different from Faith. Hope. Love. Did the Brothers Grimm shared a little college hooch with the prophet St. Paul? Or are the storytellers trying to tell us something more than a story?

In the Grimm version, Cinderella was wearing an old nightgown, doling out pig slop and catering to petty, social-climbing outcasts. But she had a dream. Every morning, she woke up and believed it, despite the plans of her ridiculously wicked siblings. Wasn’t that faith, to imagine a life greater than anything she could possibly create? And didn’t a God-mother make it happen? That fateful night, her Godmother left her side and her chariot returned to a pumpkin, but when the vicar knocked the next day, her hope remained and she rushed to try on the slipper. And in the end, what did she find? Love.

Fairy tales don’t end in happy forever. Fairy tales end in “they lived happily ever after.” Happily is an adverb, meaning living in a happy way. Happy is fleeting. But living happily, that’s different.

Cinderella was living happily even before the prince showed up. She had faith and hope. Even before the glass slipper fit, if ever something went wrong, Cinderella overcame her disappointment with faith that her dreams would come true. She had hope that joy would appear after the suffering. And with love, she could live happily. Not happy. Happily.

The circumstances of our life are just that, circumstantial -- fleeting and ever-changing, moving with the whim of the universe. A pumpkin may turn into a chariot and back to a pumpkin. A prince may come someday. That prince may also leave one day. Our family could be cruel or kind, demanding or loving. The circumstances don’t dictate happy. We can only respond to them, happily.

My nieces won't ever live in a castle. Glass slippers are wildly impractical. If mice start singing to them, well, let's just say that's a whole 'nother problem. But what if we taught all of our children to live happily -- with faith, hope and love. Maybe that message will give these young women what they need to weather the storms of adolescence. Maybe with faith in themselves and their God, they might stand strong in the face of the so-called Prince Charmings. Maybe with hope, they'll see beyond their adolescent yearnings and patiently strive for a good life. Maybe then, love will come. Perhaps as a prince, perhaps as a pauper. Charming or not charming. Or maybe that love will be embodied in love for their fellow man or woman, their country, their avocation.

Maybe those admirable Texas beauty queens should buy another billboard. In this version, they could be dressed in jeans, with no jewels adorning their heads, their high heels replaced with sneakers. They could stand hand in hand, and declare, "Living Happily Ever After!"

As the Dalia Lama says, "The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy."