Frozen?

On December 12, the Vatican issued what the New York Times called “its most authoritative and sweeping document on bioethical issues in more than 20 years.”

The document spelled out the views held by the Catholic Church on science as it relates to the embryo, which the church holds as a sacred life. These include such practices as in vitro fertilization, human cloning, and embryonic stem cell research.

One of the many practices now officially banned by the church is the practice of freezing embryos, often a last ditch effort by either the aging single woman afraid of moving past her prime or the young single woman worried about paying her rent. The Times reported that there are at least 400,000 frozen embryos in the United States alone.

Now don’t go away. Just like life is sacred, so is this blog. I wouldn’t waste your precious time proselytizing one side or the other. How could I? The perplexing issues of life and science and progress and religion need more than 750 words to debate. Anyone that convinces you otherwise is lying.

Instead, I ask one question. What if Jesus had been one of those 400,000 embryos?

On Sunday November 30 the Church began the season of Advent. The month before Christmas is spent in preparation for the arrival, or advent, of God in human form; born, just as all babies are, very small, helpless and a little funny-looking. The season of preparation is a tradition of the Church. So…year after year, we wait for a baby to be born.

So what if this year, Jesus was actually GOING to be born on December 25? What if, instead of saying yes to an angel, Jesus’ mother Mary had said, “could we freeze this for a little while?”

In this chain of events, it could be feasible that a barren mother had chosen this little embryo as her own. The procedure may have been successful 9 or 10 months ago, and she is walking around very pregnant right now. Waiting. For a child to be born.

I wonder, then, where will she be when the child arrives? In a progressive east coast university hospital? In the hospital closest to her home? In her home? She couldn’t find herself in a stable. They don’t exist anymore. The vast feedlots of the Midwest are most likely protected by barbed wire and electric fencing. If she was traveling, like Mary and Joseph were, would she have the baby in a Motel 6? The Ritz?

Let’s say, for ponderings sake,, she found herself in a Motel 6 in Houston, Texas (same latitude, somewhat, as Bethlehem). Who would the angels appear to? Business travelers in the downstairs bar? The housekeeping staff? Would the motley crew arrive in Room 205 looking for the little one, brooms and bourbons in hand?

And what three kings would show up? The bible reports that the Kings, or Magi, came from the east. How far east? Royalty are mostly nonexistent these days. Would Queen Elizabeth count? Or would just plain rulers suffice? George W. Bush, for example. Could this be the president’s last hurrah? Would he declare victory, for real this time? Would the Motel 6 be the site of successful peace talks in the Middle East, prime ministers called, not by an ex-president, but by a star? Or would religious leaders see the star in the west? The Dalai Lama, perhaps? Would they need visas? Would they have to pay an extra $25 for their checked baggage?

Would the media swarm in, with their news helicopters and handheld cameras? Would Anderson Cooper forego Christmas dinner with mom Gloria to get the scoop?

No, Cooper wouldn’t get the scoop. And Motel 6 won’t make millions from the publicity. W won’t pull his presidency from the ash heap in a last heroic move. But peace in the Middle East would be nice. We can only wait.